Conflicts and contradictions

I seem to be full of contradictions. We are nearing the end of expedition 38 and also therefore, the end of our 10 month contract, as the next expedition will be our last. On the one hand, I can't wait for it to be over. I'm excited about travelling around Madagascar, and about seeing what happens to my life once I get back.
On the other hand, I'll be very sad to leave here, sad to say goodbye and it will be strange not to be living in a one-room hut by the sea any more. Generally, though, the positive emotion about being near the end is stronger than the negative emotions about leaving it behind.
I've also been wanting to avoid scuba diving as much as possible as the water is now 22 degrees centigrade, which is cold for tropical diving. At the same time, I'm also feeling that I want to log as many dives as possible while it is so easily accessible and part of my job. While I want to make the most of being in a marine environment on the one hand, I keep putting it off because it's too cold for morning swims.
This group has been quite young and on the whole, quite, dare I say it, bland. Yet, they've been pleasant to be around and easy to manage. So, on the one hand, I'm looking forward to a new group with older volunteers and a mix of nationalities. Yet the next group has 27 volunteers and researchers, which is so large, I'm also not looking forward to managing it. I'm getting used to the fact that it's possible to want two completely different things at the same time. At least this way, I'll be happy whatever happens. Or I could be unhappy whatever happens I suppose, I guess it depends on whether I'm in a glass is half full mood or a half empty one.
As well as being full of conflicts and contradictions - which isn't really that much different to usual - I've been interviewing some women from the village women's association. Mainly, it's to get some background about the WA but it's also with a view of maybe writing an article at some point about them.
I found it quite a frustrating experience - Lalao's English doesn't really capture the subtelties or complexities as well as I would have liked. It is her third language after all. Sometimes, I'd ask a question which she'd translate into Malagasy. The two women would talk, laugh with each other and be animated in Malagasy, and then Lalao would turn back to me and either say something like "yes" or maybe "no" or ask me to repeat the question! It's not the first time I wished that I'd been able to learn the language. However, I did in the end manage to interview three women (and will be interviewing three more).
I think I really really appreciated for the first time just how important the volunteer revenue is to the women here. The village largely depends on the sea for its income and, indeed, its sustenance. But the marine resources are depleting rapidly and the fishermen have to go out fishing for longer and need to go further away. For many women, the situation is even bleaker. With fewer octopus around for them to glean, their options for earning money are pretty reduced. For many women - especially those with children, and no husband - the money they earn from selling souveniers to BV tourists is therefore vital for their survival as it gives them ready cash which they can use to buy essentials.
The WA president is a wealthy woman in comparison to many in the village - she has her own business (collecting salt) and her husband is also an owner of one of the village epi-bars. She told me that women using men for money (effectively, prostitution) was one of their only options and that she wanted the WA to be able to offer them an alternative to this. I wanted to find out how many women in the village had children but no husband and were in this situation but unfortunately, no one is able to tell me.
Clarice, one of the women I spoke to, lives in a one-room rattan hut on the beach with her three children (and no husband). She is 33. The room is just large enough for her bed (in which they all must sleep), a tiny table and a couple of chairs. The holes in the rattan walls have been repaired by cardboard and there are holes in the roof. She is unable to embroider at night because the wind blows out her gas lamp. It's no wonder then that the women's main goal with the association funds is to build themselves a concrete building to work and meet in.
With only one expedition left, it's unlikely that I'll get to see them earn enough profits for their dream building. However, I hope to continue somehow with my involvement with the WA even after I return home. Even if I don't manage to accomplish much from the UK I do think that I'll leave here knowing that the work I've done so far with them has been positive and made a real difference to their lives.
Following on from last week's slightly morbid theme of dead animals I am sad to report that Coco Beach has three fewer cats than it had before. Al (one of the big cheeses from the UK office) is here for his PhD research and apparently had a word with the Coco Beach staff about the cats begging at mealtimes. The next day, three of the cats mysteriously disappeared, last seen being put into a bag. Past volunteers reading this might want to look away NOW if they don't want to know that Gummy and Levi, two of the friendliest and most domestic of the cats, are no more. Let's hope that next week's blog ends on a happier note.