well, it's 10pm on Friday night and I can't believe that this time tomorrow, I'll be in Madagascar. weird after so long and yet, since I found out about the job, time seemed to go so quickly. I've been measuring the weeks in Chinese takeaways - as it's become our routine to get a chinese takeaway on a friday... and each week, it seems to come round quicker and quicker. but then six weeks (six deep fried aubergines with extra tofu) hasn't been that long when i've had to pack up everything, find a lodger/s, finish work and just get my whole life in order. part of me is extremely organised. the other part, pretty disorganised. in such a short space of time, I've had to try really hard to be the organised me but it's not been that easy. I long to just spend some time relaxing, sitting, reading... but there hasn't been a lot of that over the past six weeks, and there won't be for the foreseeable future. at least the journey to the expedition site will be interesting and hopefully i'll get some rest on it too. Looking forward to using my new digital slr and hopefully getting some good pictures.
And that's it.. there's still a few more things to pack up (kitchen stuff) and put away, and we have to recheck the cases, which are right up to the weight allowance of 23kg each. eek.
hopefully, the next blog (posted by myself in Tana, or by Sarah after I get onto site) will have something more interesting to report other than packing!!!
saying goodbyes are hard, but i'm looking forward to seeing what the next few days, few weeks, and few months have to offer. and to missing the winter!
Friday 21 September 2007
Wednesday 12 September 2007
10 days to go
10 days before I fly out. Having made the decision to come off the pill, I’m actually functioning at somewhat near normal emotional levels again. Which is to say, I’m finally getting nervous, scared, excited and stressed. Finally. The pill really seemed to have taken away any normal kind of emotions, just leaving me with a heavy depression and emotional fragility that I more associate with Ruth as a teenager, rather than Ruth in her (late!) thirties. But I'm glad to have that Ruth (the grown up one) back now. Phew.
Still not expending much energy on thinking about what the experience will be like. It’s possibly the first time in my life that I’ve not done that in fact. Possibly because I’m more consumed with the many day-to-day tasks which need doing.
I have been thinking though. Although I wasn’t actively looking for a job, when I saw this one advertised on the website, my immediate thought was “that’s my job that is”…. And so it turned out to be. And yet… well, I’m quite happy with my life in Manchester. I have a good bunch of friends, a fairly active social life, a good, stable homelife, two lovely cats, a nice routine. I’d started to learn salsa and enjoyed my course on mindfulness at the Buddhist Centre. I was progressing with the guitar and was even looking to do a few open mic spots in the Autumn. I haven’t been desperately trying to escape – unlike other people that I know who’ve been looking for a big life change. So what exactly motivated me to turn all this upside-down for a year in a country that I’ve never been to, doing a job with more responsibility than I have now, in an environment where I’ll be way out of my comfort zone? I love diving. I want to be more active in saving the planet. Obviously they were big motivators… but still, it seems like a huge shake-up to my happy life. There’s no question of me NOT doing the job, but I’m still intrigued as to why I feel the need for such a big life change. I’m also intrigued to see what’s going to happen to me! What will I be like without my home comforts? Without my favourite foods. Without hummus. Without being able to flop in front of the tv at the end of a hard day. Without being able to phone my best mates for a moan when things aren’t going well. What will I miss most? How will I cope without phone contact with my family and friends. Without the extensive, intimate emailing relationship that I have with my cousin in America? (hello Sally)…. It’s back to basics… I’m not scared about losing all that’s familiar. Okay, I’m a bit nervous. But more than that, I’m curious… I’ve been living with immediate access via email, phone or mobiles with friends and family for the past ten years. I’ve begun to rely on all of the mod-cons we have the luxury of having here in the opulent ‘West’…. So I’m curious to see what’s going to happen when all of those things are taken away from me.
Still not expending much energy on thinking about what the experience will be like. It’s possibly the first time in my life that I’ve not done that in fact. Possibly because I’m more consumed with the many day-to-day tasks which need doing.
I have been thinking though. Although I wasn’t actively looking for a job, when I saw this one advertised on the website, my immediate thought was “that’s my job that is”…. And so it turned out to be. And yet… well, I’m quite happy with my life in Manchester. I have a good bunch of friends, a fairly active social life, a good, stable homelife, two lovely cats, a nice routine. I’d started to learn salsa and enjoyed my course on mindfulness at the Buddhist Centre. I was progressing with the guitar and was even looking to do a few open mic spots in the Autumn. I haven’t been desperately trying to escape – unlike other people that I know who’ve been looking for a big life change. So what exactly motivated me to turn all this upside-down for a year in a country that I’ve never been to, doing a job with more responsibility than I have now, in an environment where I’ll be way out of my comfort zone? I love diving. I want to be more active in saving the planet. Obviously they were big motivators… but still, it seems like a huge shake-up to my happy life. There’s no question of me NOT doing the job, but I’m still intrigued as to why I feel the need for such a big life change. I’m also intrigued to see what’s going to happen to me! What will I be like without my home comforts? Without my favourite foods. Without hummus. Without being able to flop in front of the tv at the end of a hard day. Without being able to phone my best mates for a moan when things aren’t going well. What will I miss most? How will I cope without phone contact with my family and friends. Without the extensive, intimate emailing relationship that I have with my cousin in America? (hello Sally)…. It’s back to basics… I’m not scared about losing all that’s familiar. Okay, I’m a bit nervous. But more than that, I’m curious… I’ve been living with immediate access via email, phone or mobiles with friends and family for the past ten years. I’ve begun to rely on all of the mod-cons we have the luxury of having here in the opulent ‘West’…. So I’m curious to see what’s going to happen when all of those things are taken away from me.
Sunday 2 September 2007
countdown has begun
it's now less than three weeks until I go. still feeling relatively calm about it all. However, as my mum pointed out to me yesterday, due to the fact that I've gone on the pill, will be taking antibiotics for malaria prevention and have had to have a whole load of injections pre-departure, "you're changing your whole physiology for this thing?!" Indeed I am?! So how do I know what I feel? Or what's as a result of hormonal changes because I'm three weeks into taking the (mini) pill? How do I know if it's me any more? I'm not entirely sure.... I've been quite flat and unexcited... perhaps I'm being calm and collected about the thing. and brave. or perhaps i'm just flat because I'm taking hormones every day. How do I know? so many changes, psychological and physiological.... and that's even before I've started on the antibiotics....
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